so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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