Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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