Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
