you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
