it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
