if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
