will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
