It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
