Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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