I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
