there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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