made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
