we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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