There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
