My underwear smells like fireworks.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
