Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
