Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
