Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
