Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
