Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
