john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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