My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
