Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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