Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
