This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
