...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
