Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
