Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
