He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
organizing the empties. That sober.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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