You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Randomize
