I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
