She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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