i always forget guys have bellybuttons
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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