Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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