we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
