420 ftw
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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