don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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