How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
