genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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