Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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