omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
