i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
