if i can run in heels then i can drive
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
