I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
