She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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