When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
