She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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