Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
