I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
