I have demons in me.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
