1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
