dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
