I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
