omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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