mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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